Mmmmm....maybe later...

Isn't that the most beautiful view ever?

So ever since I was a little girl, my family has always said I don't belong in the South.

I don't have that natural hospitality. I don't speak to strangers like we've been friends for years. I love cold weather and the color black. I don't even say I'm from Texas...I say Houston.

Don't get me wrong...I love my roots (Louisiana) and I love Houston and there are many, many things that I do love about being southern (the food mostly). However, I don't feel like I belong here. I've never wanted to live any other place in my life besides Manhattan. It doesn't help that my favorite TV shows (Friends, SATC, The Cosby Show, Will and Grace) are based in NY and that's ALL I watch. Seriously, I've wanted to move there since I was 13 and it's only been heightened by the fact that I'm in fashion.

However, due to our current economic state, my dream is somewhat vanishing. Well, my original dream. The original original dream was to go to NYU or Columbia...didn't even apply because of Mother Berry, who BEGGED me to stay here. Then option 2 was to move to NYC the second I graduated from college. Well...as I get older, I realize that I can't always get what I want. I'm extremely blessed and so it always seemed that everything always pointed in my direction. But I think your dreams and your reality need to run parallel at all times. Realistically, NYC is WAY too expensive for me right now. And I DO NOT want look up in 5 years and realize that my mom is still basically supporting me. I don't think there's anything wrong with moving back home for a little bit after college (as long as you contribute to bills and work around the house...NO MOOCHING, PEOPLE!!) But I don't want to move to the Upper West Side and have my "dream job" making $20k a year, while my mom pays for my rent, utilities, groceries...AND student loans!! It's not fair to her. Luckily, she "weaned" me off of her nice salary, and I've started paying for everything myself with my assistant manager salary (which by the way isn't as shabby as I thought retail would be...thank you A&F lol. I'm almost 24 years old. I should be able to and can support myself.

NYC will always be there. But this time that I have to learn myself and mature won't. My 20s are so vital in shaping the woman I'm going to be and I want to be able to look back years from now and be proud of myself for sacrificing and learning tough lessons and building character. I will appreciate it so much more in the end.

My time will come. I know it...

Me in Times Square, eating a hot dog...don't I look sickeningly giddy... :)

Miss you like crazy.

DEAR CLOSET; HOW DO I MISS THEE? LET ME COUNT THE WAYS...

Ok, so if you really know me you know that fashion is my life. Not just clothes, but the lifestyle, the art, the influence, personal expression...everything. It's really hard for me to not "be able" to wear what I want to wear and feel comfortable in my own wardrobe, in my own way, with my own sense. It's been depressing for the past almost 4 months because not only am I saving to finish paying for Baylor (ugh), but I literally can't wear my style because it's against the "look policy." I don't even feel like myself. I'm aching.

It's not even about just garments or ensembles. It's really about showing and expressing who I am. So I have to do whatever I can that's within the "look policy" to show Candace Viness' Berry. So, that means a new tattoo that I love (it's about 1 day old in the pic). It's my 3rd and it's something (and somewhere I've always wanted). The butterfly and stars do have a special meaning to me which is very corny and cheesy, but hey, sometimes even I can be those things.

I just can't wait to really come into my own and be able to explore all the possibilities.

I'm just over it. Really. Can I just be me?

Love,

The girl who's closet has tumbleweeds rolling around it